RSS

Category Archives: Marriage

Inter-caste marriage

I am a 23 year old guy. I was in a relationship with a girl in the same college. We started liking each other and even submitted to God before we took a decision to start our relationship. As time went by we decided to marry and also informed our parents who were interested to look into the matter. There was some problem related to caste even though both of us are from born again Christian families. As things grew serious the girls family summoned a prophet who prophesied about our relationship as not God’s will. We love each other very much and now are on the verge of separation due to this move taken by the girl’s family.  I personally am deeply hurt and don’t know what to do in this case. Can this be a true cause of not marrying?!!

Dear son, I am sorry to hear about your situation.  Tragically in India caste is playing a major role even among born again Christians.  Truly it is of the devil.  It is a pity that our people do not realize this.

You knew it very well all your life.  Specially, if you are from a so-called lower caste and the girl is from a higher caste, you knew things would not materialize that easily.  Knowing the Indian situation fully well, I think you did a foolish move to love a girl from another community.

And in India, love marriages are still looked at by the society as not normal.  When some one opts for such a marriage, one should realize that he/she is challenging a well established culture which has its roots going back to 5000 years.  The Indian society has not accepted love marriages as the pattern yet.  Marriages in India are done by two families coming together in agreement about the future of their children and not merely by two young people deciding their future.

So, in opting for a love marriage you were challenging two highly rooted cultural cores of the Indian society.  Naturally, you had to expect uneasy situations as you are now in.

But tragically, the girl’s family is withdrawing from the situation based on a so-called prophet and his predictions.  It is a pity that born again Christians do not study the word to know for sure that we do NOT have apostles and prophets today in the church.  Please read Eph 2:20 where it is clearly said that the church is  “built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone”.

When the Bible was not completed, God used the Apostles and prophets to communicate the mind of God.  When the Bible was completed, the gifts of Apostles and prophets are no more in the church today. Today in the church we have Evangelists and Pastor-teachers. We do not read about Evangelists in the early church till we come to the 21st chapter of Acts (v.8).  By that time the church had past its infancy. Compare Eph 4:11 to see the truth for yourself.  “And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers”,

Tragically, today’s prophets preach the deceit of their own heart as in the days of Jeremiah (Jer.23:26).  So that is not a valid reason at all.  The reason is cultural which the girl’s parents are hiding giving it a spiritual appearance.  What a tragedy!  You should have foreseen all these when you entered into a relationship with a girl from another community.

We need young believers in India who can challenge this caste feelings in the church, not by love marriages, but by arranged marriages.  If two are compatible in all other respects, caste should not play a role in deciding marriages among born again Christians.  May we pray that such a time will emerge in the Indian church soon.  May the good Lord give you grace to get over the present predicament. God bless!

Advertisements
 
 

Inter-caste marriage

I am from India,where there are a lot of castes. People from one caste don’t marry people of other caste, but being Christians should we follow that? Even though our parents are Christians, they don’t allow inter-caste marriage. How should we deal with this kind of situation, where both the bride and groom are Christians but of a different caste?

The Bible clearly says that once a person accepts Christ that he/she is a new creation (2Cor.5:17) and that he/she is now a member of a new nation (1Pet.2:9).  While this is the real truth, generally that truth is not put in practice even by born again believers in India.

There are many reasons for the same.   Caste in India is basically based on social and economic status.  It is highly unimaginable for a high caste Hindu girl to be the wife of an untouchable!    One must remember there are a lot of cultural problems.  Each caste and sub-caste has its own cultural strands and sometimes it will not be tolerable by other groups.   Simple example is food habits.  One thing which is panacea for one group is poison for another group. I know of a newly married couple who has to cook two different kinds of meals at home!

Another situation in India is that marriages are arranged by parents and elders and it is not just an agreement between young couples but two families coming into a contract with each other. That makes the situation more complicated. Is it imaginable to have family and their relatives being engaged together in one place with a family which is socially and economically  incompatible?
As we all know, no marriage is without problems.  But why invite more problems knowingly by being in alignment with a family which is not compatible in any way.
On the other hand, if the families are educated and socially able to accept each other, inter-caste marriage is ideal which will bring glory to God.  God bless!
 

The Bible and Dowry!

Question Text:  Is it Biblical to ask Dowry and what is the basis for Dowry system which we see in the Christian Circle today?  I hope you will give me a bible based answer.  Thanks.

Answer Text:  Your question begs a bigger question. Does the Bible address itself directly about all cultural aspects of all communities in the world? The answer obviously is a big `NO`. Now you have to use a Biblical principle to come to a decision about any thing of which the Bible does not specifically talk about.

Answer to your first question is clearly a `NO` based on the principle that one should NOT be greedy. Surely the Bible does NOT give any place for any one asking for dowry at all. I think you have no doubt about it as well.

Your questions obviously imply that you are against the dowry system because you think that the Bible is against it. But you need to do a bit of rethinking when answering the second part of your question. You are asking for the (biblical) basis for dowry system as found in Christian circle today.

I think there is a very strong biblical basis for dowry system. The Indian Christian law is clear when it says that boys and girls must have equal share of the family property. This is based on the Biblical principle that both genders have equal status in life. When a girl gets married, she legally becomes the member of another family. She has every right for the family property she grew up with. So in India our culture devised that the girl is given her share as she gets married and goes away. There are people who give away the share of landed property of the family which she deserves at her marriage. But most often it is given as cash and as jewels. I think it must be so and I think it should not be challenged.

But when it comes to demanding dowry and when it comes to people who do not have any property, this becomes a real problem and a real evil. And Christians should fight against this evil practice tooth and nail.

The New Testament or our Lord NEVER tried to change the social order of their time though slavery was there (1Cor.7:20-21). Yet it is the Biblical principle of equality of all men which wiped away slavery from human society. Ok.

Thirty five years ago when I got married I told my parents NOT to make dowry an issue at my marriage. Then one of the first proposals was for the daughter of an evangelist of whom every one knew he had no money to give as dowry. Though my parents had a bit of a difficult time agreeing to the proposal, I stood by my decision and the Lord honored me for the same.

Now I, as a father of four married children, two boys and two girls, we NEVER made dowry an issue at the negotiations at all. Boys came forward to marry our girls with out a dowry demand. Yet we sold a part of our property and gave the girls their share. Our sons volunteered to marry girls with out any dowry demand. And we as their parents we just gave to the boys what ever was given to us by girl`s parents. It helped them to begin their new family. Yet we are keeping their share of property for them.

I think, when looked at from Christian conviction, dowry has its plus points. But when misused, it is one of the worst evils of our society and Christians must fight against it at any cost. Please read a related article from our already published materials. http://www.gotquestions.org/church-social.html  God bless!!

 
1 Comment

Posted by on July 26, 2009 in Christian life, Marriage

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Marry Some One Whom You Don’t Know and Don’t Love!

Question  Text:    Marry someone whom u don’t know and don’t love?

Answer Text:

Hi, Your question is a very interesting one. I would expect a question like this from some one living in the West. But your profile says that you are from Asia. Any how, my answer to your question is that you should NEVER marry some one for whom you do not have love; and you can never marry some one of whom you know all about!

I will explain.   Knowing a person is really a difficult task. No one knows any one else fully and people can easily put on a show to give a false appearance till the date of marriage, if they want to. In the Western countries almost every one marries after `knowing` each other to a large extend. But how come, there are more divorces there than in any other place? Did they not `know` each other even before marriage? Many `know` each other before marriage in the euphemistic sense of the word `know`as well. But then, where is the problem? Is it because they did not know each other? Or is it because they knew too much of each other? My friend, you can not marry some one whom you know sufficiently well, because it is simply an impossible task. On the other hand, you can get to know a person well enough if you spend a few hours talking to each other.

Now, the question of love is very crucial. You MUST never marry some one for whom you have not felt that passionate love.  No one ever marries a stranger who suddenly appears on the stage! Before one decides to marry, both the spouses are given opportunity to hear about each other and to hear from each other. Photos are exchanged through a middle man.  Unless love is generated on hearing about a person and seeing the picture  in the context of marriage, one should NOT even get to see that person at all. On seeing that person and talking to each other for some time, if that love is NOT intensified as passionate love,  they should not marry each other. Both the spouses must have that passionate love for each other before the marriage is fixed. In a country like India, it is mandatory that after the marriage is fixed and announced there should be a gap of three weeks when the marriage could be finally executed. This is the period when the spouses usually long for each other.

You must remember that marriage is some thing which is in the plan of God. It is God who prepares the bride and the groom for each other WITHOUT the knowledge of each other. Adam was having a deep sleep just before he saw his spouse for the first time. Then, when he saw her, he busts into a beautiful poetic expression. This is the first ever poetic verse in the Hebrew Bible. `Made for each other` feeling will come to you if that is the person whom God has planned for you if you approach the issue with much prayer and dedication. If you consider marriage as a contract between three instead of two, God being the third person, the whole outlook will change. Assuming that you are not married yet, may I wish you a blessed and a happy married life, a married life in the perfect plan of God when the God element is in the forefront of marriage. If the human element is in forefront, chances are that the marriage will fail soon. May that not happen to you. May the Lord`s name be glorified through your marriage. Amen.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on March 11, 2009 in Marriage

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Whom Do I Marry?

Question Text:   The Lord lifted me from scratch and gave me every thing I need in life.   Now  I really need some help in the form of a life partner.    I am willing to accept what lord Jesus choose for me.   Please make it sooner rather than later.   Please give me an honest answer and pray for me.

Answer Text :    I am so glad to hear how the Lord lifted you from scratch and gave you every thing you need in your life. I am also glad to hear that you are willing to have a life partner chosen by the Lord. It is indeed wonderful to talk to you.

The Bible teaches that the concept of the family originated with God. In fact the God-head is a unique family. Three persons in the God-head always think, will and feel the same thing! Thus though they are three separate persons, they together make One God – the Triune God of whom the Bible speaks. The triune God has ordained that man also should be in families. He looked at Adam and said to Himself, `It is not good for man to be alone` (Gen.2:18) and He decided to make a helper suitable for Adam. Thus man and wife became one flesh. In reality they became one family. Psalm 68:6 says that God sets the solitary in families. So even today, it is God who is uniting people in to families.

Talking about marriage Jesus our Lord said, `that which God has united, let no man put asunder` (Mt.19:6). So the uniting work is done by the Lord Himself. Now I am sure that some one some where is already prepared by the Lord as your spouse and it is for you to discover who it is by waiting upon the Lord in prayer and in consultation with fellow believers around. I am sure you are already on the move and that’s why you came to us with this question. So let me ask you to learn to pray in secret about this matter. I have set up a website just to talk about prayer and specially how to pray to get answers. Please go to www.mathewpaul.org and select `book on prayer` from categories and read about how to make prayer a secret habit with you. Then prayer must always be accompanied by steps in faith.

As a step of faith may I suggest you to register your name in www.believersmatrimonil.com and send your profile to them. You can also see there dozens of profiles of highly qualified believer girls from all language groups in India looking for life-partners. If you wish you can also register in one or two other matrimonials and wait upon the Lord to show you the right person of His choice as your life-partner. We pray that the Lord will indeed guide you in your decision for His glory. You must also remember that the Bible talks about another family for every man to be a member of. It is the church of the living God which is pictured as the house of God in 1Tim.3:15. If you are not already a member of the house of God, you need to think of it seriously and try to become one. Otherwise spiritually you will be like some one with out a house! May that not ever be true of you. May the Lord lead you in every step of the way. To His Name be glory. Amen.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 8, 2009 in Marriage, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,